we've never met and i dont know if hes the same man away from me as he is with me, but i love him, love how pathetic he is and how perfect.....silly extremes, i know, but thats jus what he is, extreme.
sorry for swooning but this man is everything ive hoped and prayed for.....
ok,ok, let me unfold the tragic.......erm...tragedy that is us..
I was at the end of my rope in a very difficult relationship, fed up, i decides to find something to do to keep me busy (keep me from thinking about my problems) so i turned to a little chatsite i had used a few years back to keep me busy, wasnt even there one hour and he sent me a message asking if we could be friends. Now you have to understand, im a bit of a bitch when it comes to befriending people so i was kinda cold to ppl online, but against all odds and rational reasoning, i went for it, we shared a long pointless but funny conversation and at the end of it all, we said goodnight( goodmorning in our case: we had been chatting for 11 hours and it was now 3 in the morning)
at 8 i was up and longing for his company again, and top my surprise he was online as well, exhausted but eagerly awaiting me, this time we tallked about us, our lives and pasts, i found myself telling him things i had never told a soul....he took it all well....he reacted EXACTLY how i had prayed a man would react.....
i know it was a bad time in my relationship and i was vulnerable but, i knew right there that if this man could react like this and make we feel exactly the way i needed to feel about him and about me, then i had to let what i had go....so i did.
it didnt hurt and ive never regretted it because i know that this is what i prayed for (should have been more specific, like Dear God, please bring him to fricking Zambia).
then we had a two day spell of silence, (i was between jobs and broke)
I have never pined for a man the way i pined for him, a stranger, i looked at his pictures till i memorised the lines on his face, the fricking flecks of green in his brown eyes (dont tell him). i was infatuated, wiv the idea of him, i was restless and lonely for the first time in years....
when i finally topped up and spoke to him again, i was surprised to hear him speak the feelings that i had experienced in those days, he opened his mouth and spoke from MY heart.....in that moment, i knew i would never forget him....i told myself i loved him, and my heart agreed with me....but i resolved i would say nothing until i was sure that this agony was indeed love.
but, he told me!!!!!!!!! three days in he said: i love you.
and i believed it.
i still do.
because i love him too.
im terrified of waking up and finding that it was all a lie.....because he is the heart of my heart, one spirit two bodies, miles and miles apart.
since then i have tried everything i can to get to him. im not so deluded to think that wel live happily ever after but i know we'll get through it all somehow....its been a difficult eleven months but i love him more and my resolve has only grown.... but my heart is weak....
im afraid that with every failed attempt my heart breaks a little bit, i want him in my life and he wants me in his.
so i know youre wondering, why cant he come to me?
my baby (cheesy i know) has a criminal record and is jobless.....ive known this all along. thing is i dont mind, he devotes himself to whatever he does and is a fierce friend, his work ethic is great and hes devoted. its just sad that he would be punished for the sins of days when he was immature now tht he knows better.
i think hed have a better chance in my country, here he can reinvent himself, and start over......
i have a great job and my moneys fine, i can take care of both of us and our children...but he doesnt want that, says its his job- its sweet but im realistic.....
so now im stuck, i love this man but im afraid we may be long distance lovers for a really long time or forever and suddenly, i find no one else appealing......
oh and did i mention im ebony and he's ivory?
